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NK Ryzov
NK Ryzov (also known as Militant_Ape) is the founder and infallible needed supreme leader of The Straight Shit Podcast. He often wears an ape mask to cover up his hideous unibrow and other subhuman Slav features (and also because he's too much of a pussy to show his face). Not even his slaves have seen his face needed. He often argues with Russian Guy about the legitimacy of Novorossiya, and believes that Novorossiyans are payed internet trolls. Personal Life Ryzov is a known supporter of the misogynistic harassment carnival known as (trigger warning) GamerGate - and evidences his passionate support for journalistic ethics and integrity, by writing his own article on the TSSP Wikia. He is also a known European-style social democrat (COMMUNIST!), a Men's Rights Advocate (MISOGYNIST!), a staunch atheist (INFIDEL!), and an anime fan (WEEB!). NK is also a MGTOW which means that he intentionally avoids having sex. He claims he's heterosexual, but we know that's total shit. #apeisgay Youtube Career He's a talentless, autistic schmuck who sometimes makes shitty YouTube videos on his main channel, "Militant_Ape". Most of these videos involve Ryzov sitting in front of his shitty laptop's subpar webcam, and talking about shit like sex robots and his loony leftpolitics in the most uncharismatic display of raw, unprocessed mediocrity to ever defile human perception. His other channels include a movie review channel known as "Gorilla Warfare Cinema" (which to this date has only a single unremarkable "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" review), and a gaming channel, "Games You Hate", which hasn't even been made and is still in the conceptual stage. He is also the founder of The Straight Shit Podcast Childhood Ape grew up on Star Wars and Ape Escape, and typical shit American children grow up on. Unlike some other people. He grew up on consoles like most American children, so when it was time for him to play S.T.A.L.K.E.R Call of Pripyat, he had no idea what to do after a few seconds and gave up. What a fag. Ketchupgate 2016 Ape has an intense hatred for mint and ketchup to the point where he almost ditched Russian for posting pictures of mint leaves on his FB timeline. Argument With Dan and his Army of Dumbasses Sometime in late May, NK got into an arugument with Dirty DanDan's Army of Retards over whether burning the US flag should be legal or not. NK won multiple times, but Dan just didn't have the balls to admit it. The battle still rages on as the time of writing this. Quotes "Umm...ummm...ummm....ummm....ummmm." "Uh...ummm...ummm...welcome to The Straight Shit Podcast." "Umm....ummm....ummm...umm...fuck you." "Cut it out with the Commie speak, and talk 'Murican!" Trivia * His real name is التدخين عموم كل يوم. * He is on the exact opposite spectrum as Rob, but somehow they're friends. * NK stands for North Korea. * Nobody cares about his YouTube channel. They only care for PewDiePie. * He took two hours to start up the first episode of TSSP. Not making that shit up, Russian Guy only took five minutes without assistance. needed * Despite appearing to be asexual, Ape is indeed heterosexual. * He however is a MGTOW and wants to remain a virgin for the rest of his life. The only sexual encounters he ever has had, and ever will have is masturbating into a toilet in a college dorm. "In the restroom. On the toilet. That way I can flush the jizz. Simple, private, and efficient."- NK Oh great, that image is stuck in my head. * He actually likes the abomination known as BF Hardline. * According to The Russian he's is extremely Russophobic. * He plays video games on the lowest dificulty setting. Gallery Category:Protagonists Category:Neo-Nazis Category:Emos Category:Hosts Category:Atheists Category:MRA Category:MGTOW Category:Weeaboos Category:Autistic People Category:Slavs Category:Faggots Category:Fat